I failed the drunk obstacle course of trying to find my bed... consolation prize... a sore ankle and "disappointed' parents.
Its official, cigarettes are now more expensive than weed
just took my exes job. there should be an award for how many times I've managed to fuck that girl's life
it was like fucking gandolphs beard
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Woke up with pink eye in both my eyes. That's how the threesome went
I just debated creating a mirror system so I could play Batman while in the bathroom. I think I need help.
I already knew that. But I also don't agree with stifling creativity.
Ran into his mom at the bar, i told her "i know he's married now but I'd still do him"
Most men with as many freckles as you aren't vagina magnets. You are an exception to your kind.
that was THE gayest party i've ever been to
To be fair, the theme was Cabaret. I don't know what you were expecting.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There is a guy in class using a wine bottle as a water bottle. Welcome to the Faculty of Environment.
I wish I could be happy with a nice Christian girl, but no, I need a hot mess who starts bar fights
I haven't gotten dressed in 4 days. God bless you, unemployment.
That was the most spiritually awakened shit I have ever taken.
All I have in my purse is 10 cents and a plastic ducky.\nI can't explain last night.
Note to self: I can rip apart her vagina and she'll still cuddle with me, but if I steal her Chapstick she'll murder me !?
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