Can someone please explain to me how I got rugburn on my tits?
the girls on my floor started fighting over who got to keep the random hoodies that boys forgot in my room after sex
For someone who "only drinks patron" your lack of pickiness with men alarms me
You told me when we were leaving the club if I could pin point your nipple through your padded bra you would show me if I was right.
Do you remember me making bird noises at the bartender with some guy at the bar last night?
please come upstairs a drunk asian is lying down n the middle of my room and i don't know him
I don't think people appreciate how hard it is to fuck in a portapotty. Sarah and I had train for that shit.
I got high with the cantor. Rethinking this whole non-practicing Jew thing.
You didn't say, "No." And you stole more than half of my Snickers. You owed me that dick.
During sex his mom asks from the other side of the door, "Do you like avocados?" Who doesn't like avocados?
Who suggested the eggnog wet t-shirt contest last night like whose idea was that
Speaking
When she said "Tighten your safety belt and hold on!", that should have been a clear sign to me that one should never go off-roading in a rental car. On the bright side, they were able to tow her car out the next morning.
all I got out of honors convocation is I've hooked up with a lot of smart guys
It might be the most honest thing I've ever said. ...or I've had 3 vodka tonics.
so he'll eat food out of a dumpster but he won't lick your ass?
Randomize
