I can't believe I wasted a google wave invite on her.
Just found a shot glass and plan b in my backpack...
Im guessing the shot glass is for plan c?
2 things. 1. I just gave her a 6 hour long marathon fucking for America. 2. Thought of a new invention halfway through, and it's flawless.
Just saw two dudes run across the street carrying a mini keg and a scaled model of the empire state building. Missed this town
I think my uterus is still laying in your bed somewhere under the covers.
She's an honest to god fucking ballerina. She did things I don't have names for.
He said I was cute and he handed me a stuffed bear from his car. I don't care that he was 80, I named it Hector.
I might have been the first person to be rolling balls at a referee seminar
She's opening her family birthday cards at the bar. So we can pay our tab. Bitches wrote checks :(
You know what's even more awkward then buying plan b from someone who is a member at the gym you work at... When they come in after that day and have that look of recognition
Good news: you're over the drunk crying life phase. Bad news: now you're handy and violent. You were groping me from behind in front of the guy you like, then you put me in a headlock and swept the leg.
Well I'm about 60% wine, 30% pure rage and 10% tears at the moment and I'm disappointed in how little alcohol is in me
She said she is going to be sex-slave version of Princess Leia for halloween. You think there is any way I could pull off an attractive Jabba suit?
Just rode a bull topless for a free bar tap for a month
SOOOOOO I just attempted to go to the gym, hungover. Ended up throwing up in the bathroom. I hope people think I'm just working out really hard
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