I plan on using my big titties for evil tonight.
I am 90% sure the kid in front of me in class is picking his face spots, smelling it, and then eating it. That is a LOT of % sure for something like that.
Woke up naked in another mans house. If that keeps happening, then I probably need to go gay. You know to make it ok.
Woke up to the first three complete chapters of my new novel titled "If My Dick Could Talk" waiting for me on my laptop
The bruises are from paintball. The money is from me being awesome
He explained how that handle got into our fridge. I think i'm going to stick with my original assumption that the vodka gods want me to drink more vodka.
He is crying over the toilet and his friends just came in and tried to make him take another jello shot.
And now we should drink to that moment where you realize you didn't exactly think things through.
You tried to pay for our cab with the 2 dollars you got from selling your natty ice outside the strip club.
Great news I took pics last night
Warning: most of them are of you peeing while I take selfies
I've been here 20 minutes and a sweaty naked man has kissed me on the cheek.
I just feel like I'm worth a little bit more than your recycled nudes...
Uh oh we had sex and I don't think I like him anymore help
My adderall dealer raised his prices due to "impending inflation" ... never buying from a college grad again
Stop recording sex noises and setting them as my ringtones. This time it was at a funeral
Randomize
