saw you walking with that piece of shit
and that piece of shit just read that
i just googled "alcohol delivery service". im combating drunk driving one lazy act a time.
i saw a stretcher and literally ran around for 10 minutes telling people it wasnt for me
Im not moving so it's going to have to be a 3 some.
The last thing I remembered was laying in the bathtub fully clothed with the shower running while he was picking grilled cheese out of my hair. I couldn't figure out if i was more upset about being soaking wet or the fact that my grilled cheese was in my hair instead of my mouth.
ALSO, bringing a stapler to the bar is a good idea
The last thing I remember is feeding country fried steak to my best friend in a bubble bath with my bare hands.
Chilling. The soap was talking at one point if I rememeber right...
I am so excited I do not know how I will sleep.
It's like the Christmas morning of dicks
But yesterday I literally met half his family buzzed wearing a cheeta print bathing suit super short shorts and a tiny tank top.. I was like awesome
My roommates call me "Queen of the Skanks" I guess that means I've had a successful first month of college.
Because 9 pm Thursday you drink a loco cause you just wanna get drunk and have a good time with your friends. Then you wake up on Tuesday and you've had 17 locos and you're pregnant, lying on the side of the road, 3 states over. THAT'S why we don't have only locos parties.
He congratulated me by offering up free orgasms.. I told him I also had a birthday last month we needed to celebrate.. He was there in ten minutes.
I'm sitting in the shotgun seat of my car on full recline trying to pretend everything is ok
It's a charity event and she's wearing a cocktail dress drinking a 40... I found my future wife
Randomize
