I was so high I couldnt even listen to music i was terrified of the potential knowledge i would gain.
I hope making "real" money at your "real" job is worth it because you totally missed beer and dorrito mac n cheese tuesday.
well on a positive note i hear those vitamins you take while pregnant do wonders for your nails
Wackin it to the USA womens soccer team. My own personal way of saying job well done.
Apparently I told his new girlfriend to stop swallowing because she's getting fat. Oh, and I yelled this across a large room
You haven't had the true md experience until you've had your crotch grabbed by a drunk stripper with a snaggle tooth in front of your coworkers.
You're right. Single life welcomed me back with open arms. It's like it knew it wasnt going to be long when I left.
We bonded over blowjobs and stories of our childhoods. It was beautiful.
His phone pocket dialed me while he was crapping. He was quietly singing stayin alive and possibly passing his intestines.
When the cops pulled up I just stood flat against the fence with my hands up while yelling out,"I'm a tree!!"...
I'd say tonight was pretty successful. I rode an iron horse naked and sweet talked myself out of an MIC while wearing a bra filled with four loko.
You might have been able to redeem yourself had you not referred to grandma as "this bitch".
That explains the hand print on my face. That old lady knows how to throw a punch.
Do you remember biting my ear and whispering quotes of Pride and Prejudice last night?
Before I go in, is 'I just got a root canal 2 hours ago' a good excuse to show up drunk to yoga class with a 6 pack? Because if not I think I need to go home.
CURRENTLY PLAYING FLIP CUP WITH A WORLD SERIES CHAMPION
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