Lesson learned: don't hide your vodka in your little brothers toy box.
Do you ever close your eyes when your having sex with your girlfriend and pretend she didn't get fat after high school?
Have you ever seen a 300 pound pregnant lady's boob fall out of her shirt cuz she's not wearing a bra? I have.
And then he said "good night girls" and kissed each one before I put my shirt back on
i'm laying naked in your bed you should probably come home
move.
Can we please have a moment of silence for my reputation?
Got kicked out of the baseball game with a 4 officer escort. Not bad for a monday night.
those 9 inches of man changed my life forever.
I just hate that one day I'll have to tell our children how we met, makes me look like a gold digging whore
Well i think matt shit his pants so ill mark that as a W
HE TRIED TO HIT ME WITH A CHAIR. Stoned video games are NOT happening again
So I'll bring my machete and we can smoke your shit.
Out of context, that is a hilariously scary message.
...and that's why girls with IBS don't paint their nails
FOUND MY PANTIES COMINY JOME
bonus check + party bus = big hot mess
Randomize
