I love sluts.
I end my prayers with that every single night.
Last night you told her she was rocking the beer gut. Still wondering why you have that black eye?
I wish i could call my weed and hear it ring. That's how i found my phone.
I'm guessing "whatever I can get" wasn't the reply the nurse wanted when asking what med I need. Oh, and asked for a cartoon band-aid.
You need to get here now. Before they realize I'm not puerto rican.
I repeat the shot was ON FIRE. I am never going to a pirate bar again.
Do you think making a dress out of an "Open" flag that my friend stole from a bar, and wearing it out sends the wrong message? ....Or exactly the right message?
I found a picture of me as a little kid with nothing on except a towel covering one of my nipples and I'm glaring at the camera. Literally nothing has changed except I have boobs now
Got another job?
If by job you mean clever way of getting free tattoos, then yes. I got another job.
not sure if actually covered in glitter or just drunk
If you break up with me one more time it's over.
Dude get over here. Steven brought super soakers filled with colored vodka.
After this weekend my vagina will follow his penis anywhere. It’s like the pied piper, but with penis
I think it's a bit on the nose for the Uber driver to play stairway to heaven while driving like A psycho.
Looks like the opera singer hook up is paying off. Ran into the MILF from 407 and she said “your lady friend sounded like a very lucky girl.”
Randomize
