we better have passed that bar exam - i dont want to have to drink like this again
I've officially moved beyond college drinking. I just got business drunk at an internship seminar.
the bank didn't screw up, i spent 150$ at mcdonalds last night
Her birthday cake consisted of a shot of tequila with a candle in it
THEY SHOULD WARN YOU WHEN THEY MAKE JELLO SHOTS WITH JACK DANIELS!!! THEY SHOULD WARN YOU!!!!!!!
Well, she opened the door to puke outside the car, but she threw it open so hard it popped back and hit her in the face.
he said i give him, and i quote, "emotional blue balls"
I just want you to know if you wake up tomorrow morning and wreak of mustard, I was not involved.
The pet store wouldn't sell us fish because they said they could tell we were drunk.
Emergency need house key where r u I just got shit o n
I CAN CONTROL MY GERBIL WITH MY BREATH. HE FOLLOWS THE SMELL. PROBABLY WOULDNT BE AS EXCITING IF I WASNT HIGH OFF MY ASS, BUT STILL
Can't even walk I haven't tried talking but I probably can't do that either
Oh god, I forgot we had sex to Elton John
We were supposed to have sex but we had smoked so much neither of us wanted to move.
I'm a peeled potato compared to her. I'm a peeled potato compared to anyone. I'm a peeled potato.
Are you high?
Randomize
