What do you call a girl with PMS and GPS?
A crazy bitch that WILL find your ass!
she "accidentally" hit me with her car, its almost as if she know im fucking her boyfriend.
Your dad needs a mid life crisis affair thing, I could totally be that girl.
She called him at 5 AM so that he'd be ready for her birthday breakfast and drinks at 6. This is why people don't need to wait until their 21st to have their first drink.
Okay throwing up in my mouth a little = time to go home
Yes she scared me. She had NIPPLE CLAMPS ATTACHED TO A STUN GUN.
Drunk and alone at a magic show is what my life has become without you
Making a mobile stripper pole for the back of my truck memorial weekend. Is where dignity goes to die
I'm honestly considering asking her if I can eat her out, as a friend.
it was like fucking a Mumford & Sons song
When ur uncle gives you free weed, you take it
Honestly at least you're not debating on whether or not you need to take plan b. But I can't because I spent all my money on pizza.
i just saw a man in the grocery, sitting on the floor, eating out of a galon sized tub of macaroni salad. We need to get on his level.
I'm reading the Hobbit in my blanket fort alone with a bottle of wine... all I need is dungeons and dragons to complete this superfecta of awesome
tonight...tonight im having sex in honor of you
Randomize
