girl is pretty boring. i'm gonna see if she'll let me finger her.
Why hello there Olivia! How are you today on this fine and most wonderful morning full of magic and adventure and awesomeness?
Someone just got laid.
that blow job was not worth the clinginess that will follow
OMG stoned with flashing lights behind me, I was freaking out until I realized I wasn't driving my couch
i woke up completely naked except for a bottle of beer saran wrapped in between my boobs
did you know that if you have sex in the elevator on the way up that people can still get in?
Idea for the cake. Joints for candles. Do it.
Tell me not to purchase 500 ball pit balls and a kiddy pool
No
He walked away from the girl that just blew him to hook up with another girl, and when she got pissed he just turned around and screamed, "SHE IS LIKE 10X HOTTER THAN YOU!" Then she went on an angry dick sucking rampage. There were 4 victims.
I don't get hangovers. Except once. And there is a massively epic story behind that, involving so much alcohol I should have died, and 13 raw hotdogs.
Matt's offering to breast feed it.
The guy who said he's gonna suck your butthole till your face caves in is at Maggie's
THERE IS A MOTHERFUCKING HUMMINGBIRD FLYING AROUND IN OUR HOUSE RIGHT NOW HOW DO I GET IT OUT????
and then you proceeded to throw soup at him for calling you a bitch...a CAN of soup...
Uber southern baptist grandma and uber flaming cousin just got into an argument about whether jesus is OK with gay marriage. Aren't these things only supposed to happen at Thanksgiving?
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