I'm cheering for the colts this year. I basically have to since my fake says i'm from indianapolis
guy just got out of the car at the drive in and told his girlfriend "fuck you and your taco" and walked off
Nothing like buying a handle and a 36 pack with a baby strapped on.
Whoevers house this is has only beer and cream cheese in the fridge. Thats the diet im gonna go on
Look, as a friend I'm asking to see a picture of his tiny dick
Monday is now my bitch. I just did 20 naked push ups on the bar for $20
I ripped my favorite jeans crossing that fence
That sucks
It's an upgrade! I didn;t even have to unzip my pants to pee!
I told him if he cums in my mouth he has to buy me a cake that says "sorry I came in your mouth"
Hey do you eat chocolate chip pancakes with bacon in?
DO NOT MAIL ME A PANCAKE
I mean I want to go somewhere. I just don't want to put on pants or behave.
I just imagined myself as R2-D2 and you as C3P0 walking around the Vegas desert looking for alcohol
Well I shit myself on the way home from work today so there's that...
You have a husband. I have a bag full of electronics. This, is the single life.
I knew it was all downhill from there when the straight vodka I was drinking tasted like water.
I'm just trying to figure out the reason why humans wear socks....
Randomize
