I'll write directions out on a napkin and slip it to him. Then say P.S. The UTI is gone.... that's not creepy at all right?
im poppin the ladies like they're bacne
This is much more drunk than i was intending for a wednesday
do you know what's more awkward than a positive pregnancy in a public bathroom?
not a thing
walking in on a stranger's positive pregnancy test in a public bathroom
My cha cha got a haircut
thank god. going down on you was like chewing on astroturf
He started making shapes and faces with his cock and balls.... apparently if you wrap the shaft with your balls and turn it 90 degrees to the left it looks like a hamburger
if you do the accent, i'll wear the eyepatch
Not to mention I think lunch is a little inappropriate when our relationship is only based on Mario kart and alcohol so far...
Just got arrested in my crocs and rolled up pants with a mr rogers sweater for literally fucking nothing can u come get me?
I'm dressed as a caveman and drunk so that's not really an option
I couldn't find any flowers so I brought her a cat.
I thought if I bought the most expensive pregnancy test I would look like I had my life together
Did a 4 pm walk of GLORY the next day.
fuck st louis. fuck their hockey. fuck their basball. fuck their football if they still got it. fuck their tiddlywinks teamm. fuck their ribs. fuck their entire city. what im trying to say is i dont like st louis
Watching South Park, doing sit-ups and drinking tequila. In other words, my night is going pretty good.
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