I just want to apologize for screaming when I saw you the other day. It's just that you looked really gross and I was high.
Sometimes when I see a shoe on the side of the road, I get a little depressed that I've never partied that hard.
I walked in on you eating olive oil off of a plate. you gave me this look and I just started crying. we were that drunk.
It was like you were trying to communicate only you were using every letter of the alphabet but in no order and in a different language
I show up hung over with mcdonalds. Why wouldn't he have sex with me? It's a fucking leap year...
The sad part is that if I don't get a random pic of your balls or ass or both every month, I start to worry that we're not friends anymore
Her weave came out on the dance floor. She was twerking and shaking one minute and her hair flew across the dance floor the next. Great way to be introduced to the family
SO EXCITED ABOUT STRING CHEESE RIGHT NOW
i don't know how to react to you in a diaper crying and calling a football 'sadie'.
So now I know what having sex while surrounded by chickens feels like.
Went on a blind date. Afterwards I ripped my pants off and said "it's game time". He was into it.
just found the "let's take a picture before we do these roommates" before picture
thank god there was never an after picture.
Dont... please don't. Don't fuck him on his bean bag bed
Today, this cop risk his life to save me from a sink hole but all I could do is laugh, I was so stoned
Today has been hell. Also I saw a dead man's penis. It's safe to say I will be getting very drunk tonight.
Randomize
