I kinda look like a classier blonde kenny powers.
Well i then put my mattress in my closet and am currently on it. This is a new one.
they ran out of ice so they are using frozen shrimp in their drinks
Thanks for telling my landlord that the poop stain was yours and not my secret dog.
If I have to go to the hospital can we stop by the liquor store on the way?
Package from mother. Contents: Cookies, my old pokemon cards, and condoms. Note: "These have a July 2010 expiration date so give them away or use them with a gal that would be a great daughter in law. Love Mom" Love you too momma
they fed me a peach. i was laying on the floor telling them how beautiful they were
oh my god, just saw a man throw up in a trashcan and blood came out of his nose. HES GETTING ON MY BUS. HES SITTING ACROSS FROM ME. FUCK.
want me to make you a grilled cheese? I can't guarantee it'll be as good as yours but i'll go down on you afterwards if you want
brb printing out this text and putting it on my bedroom wall
'go have sex with her' ddoes not count as wingman
Don't laugh, but I might need some advice on how to ride a crooked dick.
I mean, I already hooked up with her boyfriend. The least I can do is accept her facebook friend request.
I'm keeping both. The way I see it, boyfriends come and go, but a good dick is forever.
You know tonight's gonna be a good night when your already planning on sleeping in a trunk
I wasn’t trying, but work got a lot easier and more fun once he starred flirting with me and looking at my ass
Randomize
