i rewarded my self with tacobell for not throwing up on any one. MISTAKE
I may also break bread with strippers. Because it is passover.
There is a woman in the bar breastfeeding a baby. Doing shots. Gotta love maryland Applebees.
I thought 4 percs were too many but I'm dumping Gogurt on apple pie and taking giant bong rips. This feels right.
it was good sex until i became a rubber doll and he became a jack hammer, so i guess overall it was good
there's a guy in the del taco parking lot doing pushups. let's be his friends
Haha, maybe if he wasn't dressed up like Kimmy Gibler he could give her the D
we're the same shoe size and he owns more pairs of heels than i do. this could be the beginning of a beautiful friendship
Take home message: SPERM IS EVIL AND SHOULD NEVER EVER EVER BE ALLOWED UP ONE'S NOSE.
I threw up in my brother's Easter basket
there's a 50/50 chance the night will end in alcohol-induced rituals of satanic nature
Please don't give away my fajitas
it was awkward when he was taking off my clothes and i had to help him undo my fanny pack
Trying to figure out these fractions. I bought 5 fifths of gin last week. Does that mean I have one whole gin? 5/5 = 1, right? You're having to homeschool your kids right now--so ask them.
He sided with his father, so I slashed his tires. I’d say that’s a fair trade.
Randomize
