I woke up next to her this morning and couldn't remember her name. Luckily, she had written it on my hand so that I could add her on facebook.
Man the liquor store just wrong numbered me, its a sign even god wants me to drink
i just woke up to a text from him apologizing for making me eat a full lemon
I maybe late, he's in a peeing contest with the neighbor's dog. Currently he's in the lead.
We stuck the straw in the bourbon as a joke, you saw it as a challenge.
She got turned on by my fanny pack full of condoms. I can't believe you said it was a bad idea to wear it to the party.
There's a picture of you on facebook laying in the street with 3 cops standing over you after you faceplanted off that guy's shoulders.
Is that what happened to my face?!
OMG BTW REMEMBER HOW HE ORDERED PIZZA THAT ONE TIME WE HOOKED UP. APPARENTLY HE WAS HANDING IT OUT TO PEOPLE WHO LIVE IN MY BUILDING AS HE WAS LEAVING
Why did this happen to me why did I have to meet him if I could go back in time I never would have grabbed his dick
And then he dove into my vagina like scrooge mcduck into a room of gold
I remember puking but I don't remember where. PSA: don't go barefoot around the house
I feel like him using the excuse "I'm not a fan of lying" to stop me from sleeping around is hypocritical since he's cheating on his wife with me.
Yeah just had sex and grub hub came right after he did. I’d say it’s a win.
No he doesn’t answer my texts except for like on New Year’s Because like I was fucked up on New Year’s and he said happy new year and I told him the same and I called him dragonslayer and you can’t really recover from that
First time not coming to this class high in a month and a half, never again will i put myself thru this torture
Randomize