i have the same doorman on the day shift as the guyi shacked with has on the night shift. he just laughed at me when i came home this AM. FML
God, i just love slightly insecure guys with hearts of gold and giant penises.
He gave me his number and said the usual call whenever you need someone but then was like... or just call me.
You would pick up a guy in AA.
Streaking across a girls college rugby game is probably the best, and most painful, decision I've ever made
She's like my safety school. At the end of the night, if I haven't found anyone better to hook up with, I can always call her if I need a place to drop a load and don't want to rub one out myself. Perfect next door neighbor.
I really think that guy just walks around with tennis balls in his pocket. No dick is that big
She was just a sweet cute intern for us until I saw her naked in my bed the day after the Christmas party
I'm a drunk white girl and my ancestors were drunk white girls, if we apologized our species would be extinct.
I need a present that says please like me even though i'm banging your grandson
My mind just played a snippet of me asking to be a Joey and trying to climb into your apron pocket...
I snapchatted him nudes and he didn't screenshot a single one of them because he's a gentleman.
You owe me beer. On another note, I made out with the ups guy at work today ....
how do you make "fuck me in the break room" sound casual?
If he cant deal with my insomnia and sex drive I really feel sorry for his child and ex fiance. Adulthood breakups are depressing.
Stumbled out of my bed this morning into the bathroom at 8 am still drunk, obviously. The Mormon on my floor was in the bathroom. I could practically hear her doing hail marys for me.
Randomize
