Ok walking to car, 3 gay guys park get out of car, one on phone says 'I dont know but I was definately getting some curb rubbing'
Is it socially acceptable to order two burrito bowls?
anything's socially acceptable if you do it with enough confidence
in the morning i found her name, number and address on one of the empty pizza boxes. also said "ps. if you find my shoes please mail to me."
I was desperate so I downed my birth control with balsamic vinaigrette...
You just begged me to mute the porn and watch her ass bounce while listening to dubstep the whole time.
Unless you have figured out how to blow me through the phone don't drunk dial me.
Dude between pissing everywhere and all of those frogs, that bathroom got wrecked.
We need to do something soon. I need like 4,000 beers and a cigarette.
Dude did I even see you at the bar. Cause I was for sure there then the next second apparently I was crying next to my Christmas tree because nobody believed in me.
Nothing says "we're never gonna bone" like "nice haircut, it makes you look like my cousin"
Thanks a lot dude. I'm grateful to you for your gift of pure piss.
WHERE THE FUCK AM I? AND WHO PUT DUCK TAPE ON MY NIPPLES! MY NIPPLES!!!!!!
Wait til you see what we did to Dave. Hairy bastard will never be the same
I should probably apologize for licking you last night since you drove me home, but I stand by my decision
I'm cuddly bitch. Deal with it.
This pandemic, it’s making everyone horny. I’ve got dick stashed all over town
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