I just barfed on his mom.
You told him you were too drunk to meet his parents. Totally his fault.
a kid in a transformers shirt tried to pick me up last night at work. he also rolled up on a bicycle, the kind with pedals. do i look that easy?
I'm praying to Jesus, Allah, Buddah,and the whole gang tonight that I'm not pregnant
it feels like theres a golf ball between my legs. the sex was totally worth it tho.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I really want to know why half of my kitchen floor is missing.
Spent 200 bucks on a stripper for a good night hug. I give up.
The only pictures I have are of me being stoned or me looking like a man, which do you prefer?
If your plan is to re-bang every girl you banged in high school - you're gonna need a spread sheet and clip board.
Every time I burp I plan an escape route because I'm scared I'm gonna puke on grandma
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She bit my shoulder during foreplay last night, and it's already infected. I think she has rabies.
I gave a handjob to the beat of uptown fuck last night
I just got a voicemail from some strange woman with a Russian accent. Are you ok?
He and his ex stood there talking about going to get Chinese food while I was half naked searching for my panties
Just slather his penis with BBQ sauce
Speaking of dumpster fires, your ex tried to add me on Facebook
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