I have got to lose weight!! Apparently no one wants to fuck a fat chick with herpes.
just because you dressed up as a brontosaurus doesn't mean you can poop in my yard and roar at my neighbors
He showed up to the Seder drunk and tried to convince everyone that he could read Hebrew.
How many times can you lose to your mom in beer pong before you can no longer show your face around campus?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
while you laid on the ground I poured water into your mouth out of dog bowl some random guy walks by and said now that's what I like to see.
He was visibly upset that you'd rather eat nachos than have sex with him.
You just said we could build a blanket and pillow "fuck fort." Of course I'm never leaving you.
I have vodka soaked strawberries. My latest tarot card reading hinted at a lesbian/bisexual coming out. I doubt I survive the night.
So who won the naked front yard Olympics last night?
Well my tits are spray painted gold & i have what i think r the Olympic rings shaved in my vag !!!!!!!SO its safe to say i won something ....
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We're you guys there last night when everyone started chanting "Nacho Steph"? Someone picked me up, carried me to the nacho cheese and made me do a nacho cheese stand.
I ate the crust off the pizza and left the rest in the box. Even I would hate me.
I maxed out my credit card last night on powdered donuts and beef jerky
Day one of being single and I've came three times. I can get used to this.
Tonight was a total waste of a shaved vagina
Thanks for not letting me choke to death on my vomit last night
Thank you for attempting to organize my DVDs in chronological and alphbetical order
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