dont ever smoke after you drink again... i dont think ive ever seen...or heard of someone throwing up and farting at the same time. that is, if you were farting.
Hungover. Be in at noonish. Turn my monitor on and put a hot cup of coffee on my desk so the boss thinks I'm in
I'm really sorry we tried to have sex on top of you last night.
It's take your daughter to work day... I really shouldn't be here right now
you were stumbling down richmond carrying a girl in a nurse costume. its not even halloween dude
First memory of my senior year: Going into registration still drunk from last night.
He said, "cum on daddy's dick!" ... I pictured my dad. That just scarred me for life.
Just specific performance'd my way into her pants. I literally said specific performance and that shit worked. Thanks B. Law!
today i was walking through gramercy with a dress bag from David's Bridal and a bag of McDonald's. No guy would make eye contact with me as I scarfed down my fries. I think I was mankind's walking night terror.
If our sexual relationship was relative to the Harry Potter series, I would have claimed the Wizard's Cup at least ten times.
WHAT KIND OF GUY JACKS OFF TO A PICTURE OF A BUTT WHAT IS THIS THE 1980s
Dude, fate has brought her to your penis.
My cat licked the coke mirror and now is giving me dirty looks. Bet money she has the drip.
Bruh. He just said the words "cyber sex"-is it 1999?
Did you come home, throw out a ton of shoes, then leave again?
That is exactly what I did.
Randomize
