id tell you what to do, but my morals dont exactly scream, "Listen to this guy!"
apparently went to arby's at 2:30am banging on the windows for someone to make me a "beefy"
ive never been actively dumping during the pledge of allegiance before today...
Convinced the bartender that I'm a congressman. Free Drinks. God bless America.
bubblegum was invented today. we're getting drunk. end of story.
I don't care if its bassically 3rd world. A country without a drinking age is a country without a drinking age.
My mom assumed I was crying because he was leaving. Figured that was better than explaining my eye's sensitivity to semen..
Is this like a "I'm taking you out to dinner and treating you with respect" kind of date, or is this a "I'm gonna fill you with alcohol and cheese and stuff my dick in your anus" kind of date?
I renamed his cat Jeff last night. Well I spray painted it on him.
ALso, saw an adorable man walking an adorable dog with his adorable kid.
And yes, that last sentence is biased because my ovaries started screaming
i just realized... if i ever hook up with someone on my bed, we'll be fucking atop my animated batman themed bedset.
Just took a shot of 151, rimmned my middle finger in it, lit it on fire and lit a cigarette off it while flicking off my boss. How was your night??
She told me the next morning I stared at her tits for like 15 minutes with binoculars from only a few seats away.
She asked me to tell her the three words every girl wants to hear so I whispered "I play hockey" in her ear.
No, this year you're all getting coupons for things like "no yelling because you had sex in my apartment" or "the last beer."
Randomize
