I changed my tire completely alone.. I could totally win survivor
Its my greatest physical accomplishment
you need to not memorize your credit card number for drunk pizza
I'm having sex on a snuggie, yes i stopped to text you
I dont care how high you are, meat and sprinkles dont mix dude
Morning yack off the fire escape. Girl walking by was mortified. Gooooooooo Ducks!!
I want to be you.
We pretended the crowd cheering the Thunder's win was cheering for us while we had sex on the couch.
I had to ask. I mean when you get a snap chat of a nipple you have to ask who's it is.
I would recommend NOT getting ass enhancement shots.
Just lectured your brother about using condoms when hooking up with girls he meets online. I should be a fucking life coach
That shit was hard as fuck. It felt like a mountain entering my vagina.
I have already been up, showered, had a cup of coffee brought to me, added a little rum to cure the hangover, had sex and kicked him out and it's only 1pm. Successful day so far.
After you punched me you ran away and it took an hour to find you... On the wrong floor... Sitting alone saying "it doesnt make sense"
I had just gotten to his place and was about to get some dick. No way was I gonna let her negative attitude affect my orgasm feng shui
Stranded. In bathroom stall. No toilet paper. I repeat NO TOILET PAPER! Assistance needed asap. GO! GO! GO!
I feel like you should store your weed in something that suits your personality. For example mines in a hollowed out disney princess book.
Randomize
