the people of mcdonalds are all starring at me & this dude like they know we just slept together
I apparently tried to stop my spending of money by sealing the top of my wallet with gum
We thought you were crowd-surfing until we realized it was the bouncers throwing you out
She's an ex-convict. She actually got stabbed in the face with a pen while in prison. No big deal.
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The yard is growling at me WHAT DID U GIVE ME?
raced the clock twice to day to see if i could get off before my computer died and before i left for my noon bar crawl... win, win
lets go back to having secrets in our friendship
I just threw up over a bridge. I didn't even know there was a bridge in this town. Vodka is like a transportation device.
She's dressed as a slutty goth schoolgirl. Those are my three favorite things. God himself could not give me whiskey dick.
The drunk mom in a firefighter hat just told her to leave.
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I just crashed on my couch and have no intention of ever getting up again
I will be over with a bedpan and beer
Also, sorry about chilling in just the towel last night. You know I have ADD and somehow even after looking at you, I forgot I'm not the only person living there right now
Btw "you gettin a workout in" isn't a great gym pickup line. Like no I'm fucking grabbing lunch on my way to class.
you made it your goal to puke in every planter around the union. you got most of them. im proud of you
I had to join a gym to keep up with this 22 yr old
So if you wanna come get your pants you can. But you have to come in your boxers. Rules are rules!
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