I did the walk of shame to another booty call
I don't think that should turn me on, but it does
Strawberries are so good its weird that food is growable
So we tried to 69 with him on top. NEVER TRY IT. His balls were in my eyes and it was terrifying.
There's a show on the Discovery Channel about T-Rex sex. I think this just made my life.
She compared sex to doing dishes."You scrub them until they're wet."
Drunk me was responsible for doing it, but sober me was definitely cheering him on
They reenacted the scene from the lion king where mufasa talked to simba from the clouds. As high as they were they got it word for word. There has to be an award for that.
He's probably hung over. I sure as hell am. I want to pop out my eyeballs with a fork and soak them in cold water
I want everyone to love me, and THEN I will choose who gets to eat me out all the time.
I'm also sorry that I ate your chicken sandwich while you were throwing up....
That guy was cool until he tried fighting that dude in the bow tie. I need better wingmen.
I got asked to "be the filling in a man sandwich." You don't get to pick the club again. EVER.
Owwww. A manager/ employee sex scandal that DOES NOT involve me! SCORE!!!
There's a fly in my room repeatedly throwing itself at my window, and I feel it's really symbolic of what I want to do with my future
Just slather his penis with BBQ sauce
Randomize
