i guess that's what happens when you find your girlfriend at the zoo
omg my older sister has been googling "how do I know if I've had an orgasm?" and "bj tips". the family laptop is not meant for this...
I awoke in a cab to find myself on a ride to niagara falls. Apparently I paid the cab driver half up front.
I may only be a second year med student but I feel very confident in calling that a micropenis.
Also, my drunkenly packed sleepover kit consisted of a singular sock, my uncharged laptop, and a pack of post-it notes.
Even though we had just had to physically take her off of someones lawn she was peeing on when they came outside, she still insisted on walking unassisted the rest of the way home. It was dignity meets shit show.
How is it that I've hooked up with not one but two guys in the children's section of a bookstore tonight?
THERE IS NOT ENOUGH CAPSLOCK IN THE HISTORY OF THE WORLD TO EXPRESS MY CURRENT STATE OF WHAT THE FUCK JUST HAPPENED
I just stood still on a stair at the train station expecting it to go down automatically like an escalator... Today's going to be a good day
the best part of college is nobody can tell me not to eat six toaster strudels and jerk off in the shower
Who are you, and why are you in my phone as Elf on the Shelf
My doctor wrote down abstinence as my form of birth control. #ihavenodatinglife
I know we're not on great terms here, but I need to know if you're still available for sexual activity...cause if not I need to get going on a work-out plan.
He's got a big dick, a steady job and tells me I'm pretty. There is litterally nothing else I look for I a guy.
My Dachshund waddled into the room carrying a rolled-up pad in her mouth with period blood. This day is clearly off to a good start.
Randomize
