Too bad my picture didn't come thru. It was one of me naked riding a unicorn with a wizard hat and a magic staff. And the unicorn had wings. And me too.
I'm jammin out to some Brit Birt, she's still my bitch, I love her crazy ass
the next time i see a chick with leggings under her jean skirt...i'm gona beat her ass with a fashion magazine...
We aren't going to mix hockey and sex texts tonight.
I totally agree. all sexting is on hold till after the games over.
Playoffs. This shit is serious.
bars should really give you discounts for bringing your own shot glass
I'll probably just lay on my couch bra-less sipping wine out of a straw so I don't have to lift my head.
We should reintroduce naked Mondays
Dude, it's the frankincense and myrrh soap. Smelling like baby Jesus will get you laid.
It was insane. I was drunk for 11 consecutive hours. I woke up covered in almonds and there were footprints all over my shirt
You just stood up, raised your glass and said, "I'd like to thank the academy" then fell through a glass table. THAT'S why we cut you off.
Just had sex in an ice hut. What have you done with your holiday break?
Somewhere in this city is a lost rubber penis that needs to find its way back home
I need to stop getting picked up at 3 am by my friends parents. This is the second time this week. I'm a grown man.
I wish there was a tumbleweed emoji. Because that would describe my vagina.
That awkward moment when you hear your boss yelling during sex while you're on her couch eating Easy Mac.
Randomize
