he wasnt into me til he saw how good i was at ms pacman. wtf why does this always happen? when she kisses pacman it was a little awkward, so i made my move. i went for more than one kind of banana last night!
Is it possible to jerk off a nipple?
I just changed her number in my phone to "You Wouldn't If You were Sober"
Just so we both are on the same page, I have no solid plans as to where I'll be sleeping tonight.
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I'm quite proud of this turning point from one night stands to giving some guy a BJ to fix my car for free.
She said she was an education major and you replied with "oh I'm taking a semester off too". And we never saw her again...
Interesting preview of what next year will be like. Side note, missing a chunk of flesh from my middle finger.
well i fell out of the hot tub and tumbled down the hill and kicked a plant in the process.
Oh we're fine. I made her a "sorry I peed on you" omelet.
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I just made my roommate a 'Hope you don't have chlamydia' cake.
Make one for john too.
In your drunken glory you promised me, tongue, 12 naked pics, and 1,800 breakfasts.
Owwwww. Yeah. I can barely move unless Im high on vicodin. We are bad at drinking/balancing. We will be the first to break hips and have to go into a home.
thankfully we both ride of shamed home together on razor scooters in dresses because we stopped for breakfast sandwiches too
It's not my fault I make her feel like a Taylor Swift album
So my dad just asked, "did you leave without pants a lil bit ago?"
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