What a fucking waste of an outfit
I don't have the urge to be a home-wrecker with these two. I think I've grown, don't you?
What can I say, your life is charmed. I'm on the couch trying to decide whether or not to puke again.
full cup flip cup was not exactly the reason I wanted to tell the cops when I was sleeping on the curb
Call me when your ready for an explanation about the ham in your vagina.
I always enjoy the bewildered gaze as I buy chips, salsa and beer @ 0745.
So apparently using the emergency exit of the bar as a bathroom is frowned upon in this establishment...
I also turned off the Anchorman DVD start menu before cause I didn't want Will Ferrel watching me lose my virginity.
On a completely unrelated note I think I have carpal tunnel
Again, totally unrelated
For a second I thought I had fallen asleep on the floor and freaked out. Then I thought somehow I was on drugs. This is my life.
I just gave myself a foot massage. #SingleAsFuck
MY LIFE IS A TRAINWRECK THATS ON FIRE BUT SOMEHOW STILL MOVING, I HAVE THE RIGHT TO SCREAM OUTSIDE AT 2AM
Don't EVER mix a flaming shot, with a Jello shot.. As good as it sounds flaming Jello is not a good idea
Like at first he was barely doing anything. So I was like harder and then holy shit he's like going all HULK SMASH on my vagina. I mean it felt fucking awesome. BUT STILL
What the fuck was I thinking eating an entire tub of potato salad on acid. My stomach today bro
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