he is so obsessed with the fact that he works at Apple
i know, its like he jerks off to steve jobs
You should probably just propose to him the old fashioned way: sleep with him and get pregnant.
I literally just saw a campus policeman riding a Segway pull over a moving car. you should just give up.
Besides, I'm not in my 30's. I'm still allowed to drink wine from a bag.
Does anyone know who that girl who fell backwards and broke the shoe rack with her head was?
I just puked my brains out on the side of the road (see picture) And I took a picture for our scrapbook! I am always thinking! =) tell me your proud?!
A girl at the bar is wearing green body paint instead of a shirt. Where are you?!
is there a way to sugar-coat "shes in jail" when someone is texting me asking where their friend is?
I caught her walking around with a fake mustache, wearing a sombrero and holding an empty carton of milk. She's a hopeless cause.
Just so you know, if I get bored tomorrow I WILL pretend to get drunk in the bathroom and crash the whole thing
When my mom found out he was a high school drop out she was like "seriously? Can we raise the bar a little higher next time kels?" So my moms pretty cool
You must be buzzed on Miller Lite.. Zen master advice is flowing
I'm officially removing you from my nudes recipient list on snapchat.
All I'm wearing right now is a condom and a sock.
Just one?
Yup. One sock.
When I meet her I'm going to have to resist the urge of saying "hey! We're Eskimo sisters!"
Randomize
