i wouldnt be suprised if in indian your name meant "walking lie"
You were telling me about how you were gonna marry him, have his children and name them all woodchip.
Do you think the new Crest Whitestrips Advance Seal would stay on while I give him head? It would be great to knock out 2 things at once...
Sorry I couldn't get my dick out
my boyfriend just told me he used to have genital herpes. I was gonna have sex with him, but now it's SOOO over.
what kind of stupid fuck tells you that BEFORE sex? he is definitely not a keeper.
like a sex slave...but with a better dental insurance plan
Don't try to dry clothes in the microwave. They'll catch on fire.
hotel security told us you walked into the hotel with blood all over your dress, weren't wearing any underwear and were escorted back by three men who were believed to be "homosexuals".
Archery is over so let's go back to not giving a fuck for the next 3 years and 11 months
I just discovered I can sober up while teaching class
My mom is wine drunk and on painkillers. As invigorating as that conversation was, it was also a dark glimpse into my future
It's funny to me the only time that you clean up is when your weed delivery man is on the way.
A guy from tinder a while ago who sent me dick pics straight out the gate is a tech on my dad's hospital floor. I was wondering why he looked familiar and why he never took my dads vitals when I was in the room
I think that maybe Alyssa may of had too much to drink. is it normal for her to straddle random people in quizno's?
I just want this to serve as a reminder in the morning that the topic of conversation at last call was the penis size of jesus.
Randomize
