I reminded them that I didn't puke and I cleaned yours up! So huh!
hey you sure the big one didn't have a penis she left the seat up
Out of all the things I've put my penis in, this seems the most unfortunate.
She just told me her legs are numb and that she dedicated her karaoke of ice ice baby to her 4 month old son.
I just threw out a whole Christmas ham, 12 positive pregnancy tests, 3 empty vodka bottles and by ex boyfriends Latina porn collection in the same garbage bag. The homeless person who goes through the bins tonight knows I have nothing left to loose.
Tonights drinking will be celebratory and victorious. Picture the end of The Mighty Ducks set to beer.
You'd be proud! I didn't lose my id this time... It got confiscated
Of all the things that can be stripped of me i'll be damned if it's my vanity
So, I had a dream last night that involved you as an actual cloaked Captain America and a lot of weird sex, and I didn't hate it.
Never should have deleted her from my facebook. My new girl is so much hotter than she is, I just want to passive aggressively rub it in her face
I need two food groups: booze and turkey sandwiches
I'm like a freaking volcano of life and sexual frustrations
I met her parents last night. Her dad smelled like weed and kept yelling "I HAVE ALLERGIES AHHH MY EYES ARE BURNING!" During dinner It had to be good weed he didn't even know he was yelling.
I've covered myself in body paint in the likeness of R2D2 and I still didn't get laid. Please explain.
Just sold my panties for 40 bucks to some rando dude at the gay bar. I think I found a way to fund next years spring break trip. Hello cancun!
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