I can't remember last night. I must have yelled at your girlfriend til she cried again.
Yup.
The walk of shame is so much worse when you've spent the night third wheeling.
Went home with a 29 year old from the bar. Life lesson: 9 year olds stay up late sometimes
you kept making us tell you how cute you looked in your new outfit, even after you threw up all over it
its barely noon and he already threw up and i have second degree burn
My dermatologist just asked me, "what happened here?" referring to the bruising on my nipples. I told her I walked into a door. Thanks for that awkward moment.
I hope to God 2011 is the year I stop loving tequila.
Bitch looked at my dick and said "I thought they called you horsecock, I'm already disappointed"
I told you that line would get her home never said it was a good idea
he may be homeless but his dick however is not... anymore.
I broke the girls bed. I will not apologize about bragging.
I don't know, but I assume drunk me had her reasons. I trust her judgement.
How are you feeling?
I mean, shattered dignity aside, not bad.
Her ex was at the party her housemates were having. He knocked on her door asking how she was while we were going at it. Turns out they were trying to work things out. Don't think I'll ever forget his face when we walked out of her room.
I just don't know how to say "I want to have sex you with before you graduate" in a classy way
Dad is wasting no time getting back out there. Just walked in on him and a Twin Peaks waitress in the hot tub
Randomize
