CNN just did a special on how to do heroin safely.. I recorded it for us
Sometimes I wonder how you ever made friends then I remember it's because you blew your way to semi-relevance
Should we buy the taco bell before hand? Not having taco bell on Quattro de mayo isn't a risk I'm willing to take
I'm eating cheerios out of the palm of my hand while I pee with the door open. Is this adulthood?
Last night you sang a duet with a gay man posing as a straight man posing as nicole kidman; your life lacks neither color nor texture:)
Our foot and a bit height difference is kinda fun, except she's so tiny that after we ate burritos it looked like she was pregnant. I had a confusing bonner.
that's right. bitches got laser pointers. let's fuck shit up
He woke up in a dragon costume, covered in bong water. That was a party we will regret missing.
Well it ended with everyone taking a bite out of a raw potato and a girl crying because her boyfriend wouldn't bring her any grape juice. So yeah...I'd say the night was a success.
Just had a guy try to pull the maraca out of my shirt with his teeth... Wtf
Vodka and tater tots have managed to satisfy me more than most of the guys I've slept with.
After all this I still can't spell gonorrhoea without autocorrect
and i walked downstairs to find my brother using nunchucks, and making the appropriate noises. i simply asked "why"; his reply? "why the fuck do you think?". i love my family.
Call me Sherlock Holmes, bitch.
Gonna do a few lines then clean my room so I can feel like my life is somewhat in order.
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