party is dying down. we just wrote whore in the yard with gas. Photos to come.
Turns out I'm like the Wayne Gretzky of hiding cum. Who knew?
you could play connect the dots with the people ive fucked in this room
you may be an alcoholic when your drug dealer calls to yell at you for drinking too
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why are there post-it notes all around the apartment labeled where you guys had sex and in what position
I was drunk at peters. now im drunk at my apartment. and hungry. but mcdonalds is broken. wtf
Every time I hit my bowl my neighbors set off fireworks... I stop, they stop. I start again, they start again. Too high for this.
Just spent the last 5 minutes laughing at my epipen. i think i'm too high.
okay i am so sorry that i pulled a knife on you last night but seriously that woman knows how to throw a party.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Your lack of enthusiasm for my exciting news of drunken debauchery with an otherwise occupied vagina of one of my greatest conquests yet disturbs me. I'm not happy with you
Are you okay?
I went home with a 38 year old guy in a kilt, do I look okay!
If I had a vagina, my apartment would have been the Atlantic
Can I pee and smoke my bong at the same time or is that like eating on the toilet
My vape juice got mixed up with the astroglide.
Wow..I bet that tasted bad.
Not tasted.
I’m home.
I’m aware. I just dropped you off.
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