so after all day drinking, we went to an all u can eat crab place and i was going from table to table surveying the crowd if they though the crab i was carrying around looked like the flying dog from never ending story...what the hell is wrong with me?
What I lack in compassion I make up for in lack of compassion
I think I breastfed the cat at some point during the night, at least that's what my nipples are saying
I am drunk at a castle and it isn't even 3. Europe is amazing.
Someone said we're out of ice. You collapsed on the spot and started sobbing, saying 'but where will all the polar bears live". That drunk.
Can we hire someone to dj while we have sex?
Just watched a drug bust from the Ralphs parking lot while listening to Frank Sinatra. Happy Valentine's Day.
In a strange taxi 3059. Battery dying I'm dying. Bye.
Seriously my only wish tonight is to be at the club in a sombrero w my shirt off pouring tequila on bitches titties
At one point I was giving him a handjob and I started singing Call Me Maybe
I'm drinking wine from the cap of my laundry detergent container, wearing my bed sheet as a cape. How do you think I'm taking it?
Not even official and he's cleaned my puke twice. His hotdog skills are an added bonus. I've got a keeper
I can see the future and your future is full of penis
This is the best thing we've done since that time we started a religion
I'm wearing men's underwear
I don't know what to do with that information...
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