wanna go halves on a baby?
I will give you vagina for bag of have'a corn chips.
I came out of bedroom with my jeans on backwards, zipped AND buttoned. I have inconceivable talents whilst intoxicated.
You realize it's finals week?
Ya that's the school's fault. St. Patrick's day came first.
the girls on my floor started fighting over who got to keep the random hoodies that boys forgot in my room after sex
Was finally able to jerk off without the motion giving me a migraine. Think my hangover's getting better.
Gosh I haven't been pantsless in front of anyone for a while. It's time for me to pick up my game. We need a party. I need some rum.
Stop calling dibs on everything with a vagina you jackass.
That should be the title of my autobiography.
And the view of you in reverse cowgirl is arguably the most spectacular view ever... And I've seen the Eiffle tower, the colosseum, mountains of Hawaii, Michaelangelo's David, and the Mona Goddamn Lisa. Just saying.
He's a 30 yr old man who voluntarily goes by Stevie and his job title is "Jumbotron Operator". There's a 97.5% chance he lives in his mom's basement. STOP THIS NOW!!!
Yeah ok. We can maid of honor each other since you don't like my boobs enough to lesbian marry me
Btw. I have a sinus infection from doing cocaine in a portapotty at a Duran Duran concert. So, gimme a couple of days before y'all start the party.
Is it too much to ask for 10 minutes of privacy while I masturbate?
what are you up to?
it's 8pm, i've already showered and gotten in bed. if you wanted to make plans u should have asked 3 months in advance
Our son just found our secret Sex Dungeon that is no longer hidden in our basement. He brought his Xbox and the TV down there he is currently sitting in the sex swing playing video games. What do I do?
Randomize
