this is amy. the small petlike person from the womens bathroom at the reef.
you tried to tell me that ice cream had no calories because they were "frozen"
enterprise is going to pick me up, im too high for this
I'm sweating while I eat mac and cheese. That fat.
I've done unspeakable things to your penis. I have every right to give it a name.
You made me wash my hair in the kitchen sink while eating bay leaves
I can neither confirm or deny any bear related allegations right at this time.
Weirdly I'm doing ok, but I've tested positive for chlamydia, I wanted to let you know
that's how you measure success
By how bad my vagina hurts on a Tuesday morning while I'm trying to figure out how I got white girl wasted on a Monday?
We smoked a blunt in a stall where a drag queen was fucking a bartender in the ass. So theres gonna be a second date :)
Also food confession I ate an entire bag of starburst jelly beans today. and a plan B. All around think I hit all my nutrients
long story short, the bouquet was used as a sacrificial torch
I have a burn on my hand, I'm covered in bruises, I think my toe is broken, and I have no clothes to wear home.
I don't know whether to cheer for the free bourbon, or cry from the screaming children.
I told you that we shouldn't have sex. You said "its okay I already saw you pee" apparently that was convincing
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