There is now a Twilight themed dildo. What do YOU want for christmas??
She passed out in my bed last night before anything happened. She felt really bad about that, so she gave me head when we woke up this morning.
Define 'illegal'. Your idea of it and my idea are in separate universes.
He filled our room with little plastic cups of beer so the only way I could get out was by drinking them all.
this ms. usa coverage has sucessfully humbled every girl here. depressed fish in a leaky barrel. go!
Remind me never to take that much Vicodin ever again. I laid in bed measuring my heart rate for an hour and a half because I was afraid it would stop.
He was hiding behind my bedroom door. at noon. Wearing a t shirt. And a condom. Not attractive.
you closed your eyes and pointed to a cupboard..there was vodka on the top shelf. your sixth sense is amazing. plus, we convinced the foreign kid you're a booze whisperer
Hey I'm not sure why your jacket's covered in maple syrup but I just realized you didn't leave the house earlier wearing a jacket...
Stop leaving me alone with my ex boyfriends after keg challenges. Woke up in his bed covered in what you think would be cum. No...toothpaste. He left a note. "Be home at four. Don't be here when I get back."
You have no idea what this goes for my ego. I literally made you cum in your sleep.
My whole sorority girl exterior is just a lie. I'm a fat tumblr girl on the inside.
unless you have a dick and you were thinking of chopping that off
STOP FUCKING TELLING PEOPLE ABOUT THAT TIME THAT GUY CAME ON MY FACE WHILE I WAS ASLEEP!!!
it’s not easy to sexualize brunch. work with me, babe.
Randomize
