Getting food. Want anything?
Vagina. Double meat no buns. I have the secret sauce
dude stop sending me pictures of your dick in weird places. i get it. you rock out with your cock out.
I told my mom happy mother's day then rubbed my belly and said "Oh, and happy grandmother's day too..." She started sobbing. You were right, that wasn't the best way to tell her.
She made me role-play everything from an older prof to a in-patient in need of a medical exam. Yay for cocaine.
Yea, remember to blow out the fire from flaming shots. Unless you want burnt lips. Just saying, I'm an example of ignorance and intoxication.
i left because you were standing at the top of the stairs throwing shot glasses and bottles full of alcohol at me and yelling JAGERBOMBS
I will blow you tomorrow if you bring me food tonight. Like a payment plan
Passed out drunk in a tanning bed...
Did At The Beach call the fire department to get you like last time?
You seemed underwhelmed by my smooth, smooth ass
Gave her a puke bucket just in case. She filled the bottom of it with tears. Super sad. Although I am super proud she didn't puke. That was a lot of Fireball.
So much for no-infidelity-fridays....
If I take a couple more shots I won't even know he's a Mormon that drives a motorcycle
um care to explain the stolen chinchila under greg's bed..i'd be fine with it if it wasnt chewing up the stash
I'll bring spiced rum
I am not drinking that devil juice
I don't know how I managed to chip the inside of my tooth w/ a turkey and cheeto sandwich, but I think that's what happened.
I'm sorry, a turkey and WHAT sandwich?!?!
Randomize
