ps i'm pretty sure i was blacked out when we hooked up? good thing i was w. you and not an actual diddler or an organ harvester
Hahaha. Shut up you were blacked out my ass. U were str8 mixin it up with urs truly like it was ur J-O-B
At Bonnaroo. Just saw a couple emerge from a port-a-potty. Romantic?
Surefire way to sober up: discover that your car is being towed at 2 am.
I'm really tired of cleaning up my twitter the morning after
You are the worst kind of disappointment. The responsible kind.
Our date was amazing and I would like to reward you with a blow job under your desk.
I can pencil you in at 3:30
We could make it cute. Like "oh those two cute lesbians who are about five foot two who sell the cocaine down the street. You know the ones? With the Yorkies?"
I'm getting turned down for sex. Apparently my "sexual appetite" cannot be satiated even by a man who's such a deviant he went to prison for jerking off in his car.
Head-banging is a very stupid way to injur yourself. But this opinion is also coming from somebody who can't walk right because they cut their asshole shaving last night, so it probably has little to no merit.
IM SO HIGH RIGHT NOW, IM WHAT ROCKET MAN WANTED TO BE WHEN HE GREW UP. ELTON JOHN CAN BLOW ME.
I'm just now realizing I've slept with guys from three different decades over the past year. That's gotta be some sort of record.
she broke a 50 dollar bottle of alcohol. then passed out in front of her car and got sprayed by a skunk
he literally walked in took a shit and left ringing the 'great service' bell on the way out.
Found my paycheck. It was in the freezer
He’s only in town today and our afternoon sex sesh kept getting interrupted by the neighbor’s kid yelling and screaming in the pool
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