your dick doesn't do me any good in arizona
just got my girl scout cookies. wanna get high?
oh hey summer self, welcome to endless thirsty thursdays and walks of shame.
While drunk it seemed like a good idea to barricade my roommate in his room with everything that we could move in our apartment, waking up to him screaming from it collapsing on top of him was just an added bonus.
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It was an 11am booty call. We were both out of our element.
I burst into tears on the boat this morning because we bumped a duck in the head. I am way too hung over for today
Being home sucks. I haven't drank in like a week. Or smoked cigs. Or done drugs. Or had sex. My body is shutting down.
Omg. It's like you're one of those deprived kids living in a third world country. We need to save you.
Stand up sex. Extremely, extremely difficult. I now know how pointe dancers feel.
All I know is I was dancing to Shakira in his alley and I think rubbing my junk on his car door.
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I'd rather be castrated by angry chipmunks Than live your life for 24 hours
Then me, her, and her mom snorted tequila. The bartender was in shock.
Sex aside I am really scared about Syria...
He told me I remind him of his ex girlfriend but in a better more advanced way..
I think I hear the ice cream truck
I could be going crazy though
NO IT IS THE ICE CREAM TRUCK IT'S ALMOST AT YOUR STOP
Well this guy just went into a detailed lecture about how rinos are developing into unicorns.. It's gonna be a good night.
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