am i morally bankrupt?
no. its just the recession
i feel like even strangers are annoyed with me because of how drunk i was last night
I just recycled a years worth of liquor bottles. I can feel my alcoholic carbon footprint shrinking
Ihop lady gave me free pancakes for being sober this time
She told me that as long as she kept starring at the freckle on her arm she wouldnt throw up
We all know tonight is going to end like every other night with you. drunk, pantless and confused. Dont try to switch things up.
I jumped on his cock in 2 seconds flat. Thanks mom for sending me to gymnastics when I was a kid.
she screamed "gravy"!!! in the guys face and then stole the very large mans food in line ahead of us... that was just the beginging of the police report.
I feel like we had some profound moment last night, but I can't really recall much past your ass turning up the volume on the radio.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO GET MY FUCKING CUPCAKES WHEN THE GROUNDSWORKER I HOOKED UP WITH IS LOITERING IN THE VENDING AREA
Roommate is hosting a 'sorority retreat' at our house. If you need to get laid, stumble on over.
I've never SEEN someone give negative fucks before. It's actually rather impressive. I want to study under them.
Some guy just walked past the bus stop in a lab coat and with a samurai sword and case...
so we have roughly decided that hes the dude all the chicks will bang in college, just so he will do their term papers
It’s the biggest dick I’ve ever seen. His IQ drops 25 points when he’s hard because there’s no blood going to his brain
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