You tried to tip the paramedic for finding you.
everytime someone would look at you, you started to try and deep throat your beer bottle.
me neither. i remember bell pepper tequila but not why or yelling
Hahaha, I forgot about doing shots out of the bell pepper
Well there's nothing more unattractive them a naked, soft man crying
Oh good your over him
how sketchy is it to eat a candy wrapped in masking tape from reggae night? because we totally just split it...
I totally accidentally said "we don't go around hammering girls in the rear" in front of 132 5th graders today.
New brilliant plan: invite two random okcupid girls to the same bar at the same time, have them compete
It was the night of "what the fuck have you done with my daughter and where is she" texts from mom...
I took so my adderall all I can do is lie on my floor and stare too hard at my hedgehog. He has 42 spines in the dark spot on his shoulder btw.
Is it inappropriate to send a happy 3-year anniversary of having a threesome with you and your ex girlfriend on easter text?
So the woman who sold us weed at the park is pregnant. With another small child. And the basket she used to carry the joints is decorated with Barney stickers.
She's like a yuppie Nancy Botwin. She just gets better and better.
Well i would have gone to the bar but Satan decided to hold his rituals in my uterus.
Leave it to me to pull up my boyfriend’s grandfather’s obituary just to find out the name of his sister.
HE LEFT ME THE DAY AFTER I LET HIM PEE ON ME. If you date him after that, I'll leave the fucking PLANET.
yeah we're all naked, and I think we just shaved Chad.
Randomize
