i checked my sent messages this morning and i had apparently tried to text the bar, saying "idk what i drank, do you?"
After the VIP Latina experience at the strip club last night, I am rooting for Mexico in this years World Cup.
dinner is belligerent. she just poured the rest of the pitcher of margaritas into a take home box. people are staring.
i am exhausted. it's been years. we both know his dick is small. the jig is up.
Very nice. It looks like a Fisher-Price My First Dildo, but still very nice.
dude you cant keep breaking into my house just to raid my fridge.. especially at 3AM.
I HAVE A PRESENT FOR YOU AND ITS NOT MY VAGINA
Swear to god, if I have to wingman for you on my honeymoon I'm gonna be pissed
I already ran out of vodka but I have more beer. I just ran naked into the high school party down the street as took all theirs. ...figured no one wants to tackle the naked guy..
hoooly shit dude in taco costume challenged alpha douche to a fight. he's got catch phrases. come. now.
Just found out i over drew my checking account on a 711 hot dog
Do u remember buying that
I remember eating it on the curb like a drunken hobo
Pretty sure I'm about to get another tattoo. It'll have mom in there somewhere for Mother's Day.
You're a waste of cheezeits
then this guy just runs in screaming, "cant you see my daughter pissed herself???!!!" and that was the start of my 2016.
he had a cock ring. i orgasmed before he even put it in
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