We made a drinking game out of poaching eggs. When did our life turn into a really awesome version of Top Chef?
I dig being used for consequence free sex. Not consequenceful sex.
My cab driver just texted me 'goodnight beautiful'. I think my 'desperate for a guy phase' has just moved into a fuck my life phase.
What bar did i puke in last night
by bar you must mean bars and by in you must mean on
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I've realized that I'm going to have to wake and bake every morning to make it through the summer without killing someone. This is ridiculous.
We call her skankles because she's a skank and she has cankles, I thought that was obvious
I just want my paycheck, and my friends. And alcohol and tacos. Is that so much to ask?
I wouldn't marry anyone who wouldn't symbolically fuck a doughnut with a sausage though.
Yeah ok. We can maid of honor each other since you don't like my boobs enough to lesbian marry me
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Im sorry you'll never get the feeling of closeness when you go to pee outside and you realize you're peeing right where someone else just peed
OMFG. JUST WALKED IN ON A DUDE JERKING IT IN THE MCDONALDS BATHROOM
Stall or urinal?
im in DESPERATE NEED OF A COMPANION RIGHT NOW I’M MOTHER FUCKING TRIPPING SOLID GOLD BALLS
By talk things out did he mean have passionate angry sex?
I threw up all of my purple drank and thats really important
The air tonight was full of shame when we saw each other.
Well if u wouldn't have had sex on the front porch last night I think that could have been avoided.
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