the condom got lost in my hair
The biggest loser is alot easier to jack off to at the end of the season
DON'T BE A PUSSY. ONLY 1/3 OF THE WORDS IN YOUR LAST TEXT WERE MISSPELLED, WHICH MEANS YOU NEED 2/3 MORE SHOTS.
The floor and the wall just switched. I'm falling.
Life gets in the way of sexy Saturday sometimes
I woke up with the suicide hotline number saved as 'Hot Guy Josh'
alright. I just need to set some ground rules, no lighting me on fire, and no broken bones. fair?
painting my nails while super high-drunk. Ended up painting my entire hands. Both.
She's like the Jonah Hill of sorority sisters.
For the record you're an amazing lay and you have great taste in breakfast sandwiches
Your skill with memes is vaguely frightening
So, random question. How much should you tip a Lyft driver when you realized you've fucked his sister? Asking for a friend.
You got into an extremely loud argument with a juggalo and slapped him, he started crying and everyone cheered.
I remember that, it happened before I started drinking. I thought you said I did something shameful?
Been smoking since 4. The inevitable finally happened: I bought a cheesecake.
Bud light made chelada as a breakfast for those of us with class at 8 am
Randomize
