Suck a a big bag of reindeer cock bud. Sent from church. See you in hell
i made potato chips in weed oil. what did you do today?
I mean if she was naked in my room I would talk to her
I just had a flashback of me saying "I'm not ready to be a deadbeat mom" lastnight.
He pretended my clit ring was a door knocker.
Pretty sure that I got the MVP of wedding reception... woke up on the bench in the hallway of a hotel and we did NOT start the night there.
I feel so nauseous and all I want is string cheese. My life never makes sense.
Just saw a man downtown with a cat just riding on his shoulder like a furry parrot. He may be homeless, but I think he's your soul mate.
No I need this job. I actually contemplated buying a vibrator with my dad's credit card the other night.
The sex is great, I just think it'd be better if we listened to Deftones during it.
I'm trying to be celibate. I'm having me time. I'm eating cake.
Happy Halloween!! Last Halloween we spent together you got brought home in a shopping cart
The stripper was dressed as the green lantern. Even for a geeky girls' bachelorette party it was lame ass.
Is there ever a non-asshole time to play the "I was a child prodigy" card?
Please tell me you haven’t left campus yet!!!! I forgot my Hitachi and will not survive Thanksgiving without a steady supply of orgasms
Randomize
