You know your life is awesome when sometimes you walk down the street eating a sandwich and you run into someone you had a threesome with. And not say hi.
I feel dirty and I went home alone. Bars should be like airlines and make fat girls pay double for everything.
He said "what's the haps". I don't know what the haps are but there goes his chances
on the way home the dog started throwing up her bone in the car..so naturally i started to puke too
And now we have yet another reason to never travel to Detroit
They past out watching a re-run of the 1984 presidential debate on cspan
Omg!!!! Call me in the morning I just saw A stripper queef out a dollar
im laying here in the parking lot drinking a warm coke, prob still drunk, feeling like i need to apologize to everyone i know
Why does She think it's her duty to welcome in freshman through the welcome mat that is her vagina
Come my child we shall walk thru the pasture of amazing sex and corndogs. Hint:some corndogs are not corndogs.
New rule for Thursdays: no high gymnastics
Oh and .... you'll love this: my life coach says you writing my online dating profile isn't a horrible idea.
Hahahaha .. If it makes you feel better I had a sex dream about a cheeseburger last night so I feel like we both lose.
I apparently pulled his dick out at the bar and started yelling "DICK PICS IN REAL LIFE!"
I just opened a beer with a child's toy at a 5 year olds birthday....can you look up the next AA meeting?!!
Randomize
