You kept hiding marshmallows in the freezer saying "they would never think to look here"
My dad just walked in on me screwing the chick from the bar...the look of relief on his face was sort of hurtful.
I'm making a conscious effort to limit my spending at the bars...i wrote "FOR CAB ONLY" on a $20 last night
Tell him I'm the girl who was excited he spoke English. Then ask him where he picked me up from.
Also, if someone could cut me off before im rolling around the yard pantsless with a 40 year old lesbian that would be awesome.
Pavlovs bj experiment 2012. Welcome to the program.
This costume is too restrictive. The priest and I cannot get it on while I am wearing it.
I was just laughing and almost crying after I orgasmed, and then almost crying because I was laughing so hard. That's new.
Does he think you're psycho?
Officially...... yes.
Apparently I'm not allowed to call at 3am anymore and ask to speak to all his siblings. I was just trying to get to know the family
My vday gift was a joint bouquet, Finding Nemo on bluray, and a good shower fuck.
Um, WHAT A FUCKING KEEPER!
Come on there are only so many drink coaster sizes nipples in the world
I don't know what part of my sober brain thought it was a good idea to get stoned when I can barely walk with crutches as it is, but that part is stupid.
I've needed to start drinking protein shakes to keep up with her. It's like my dick just started doing crossfit.
There is a special place in hell for people who only eat the center of the pot brownies.
You ripped the leaves off the top of a pineapple then rubbed the rough skin part all over your face saying "this is how you mate with other species"
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