just sold my soul for a pack of cigaroos. little do they know they got the short end of the deal. suckers.
She devotes each year to either men or women. I waited all year for her to be straight, tonights the night.
I couldn't function. I was to the point where I was using a bottle cap as a monocle.
Pretty sure they aren't letting me back to karaoke night after I screamed "fuck every one of you tasteless hillbillies!!" because I felt they didn't clap loud enough for Jen.
I no longer see him as a simple set of male genitalia attached to a very sexy body. The title "trophy fuck" seems wrong. Damn.
I'm an EMT, not a miracle worker. No, I can't fix your sprained dick.
Yeah, but he has adorable dimples and dimples talk me into things.
HELP! How do I get paint off the dog?
note: just because the casino is called bourbon street, it doesn't mean you can puke and keep walking and no one will care. chalk me up for another 86
Fine line between drunken accidental sleepover with your best friend's lab partner and gay sexathon. I did a cartwheel over that line. A CARTWHEEL THAT LANDED IN HIS LAP
Nothing too major over here lately. Just had a date with an ex-internet porn star turned lawyer. He said: "at my 3rd burning man I taught a workshop on BDSM" and I knew it was going to be a fun night.
I felt like I should've driven him home but I was holding in a fart and just needed him to leave
Worst sex ever! He was a talker for sure! I was on top and out of no where he said "Oh you bad bitch?" I stopped and left.
got cock blocked by the cops again. two of the cops were the same ones from that t bell incident and they recognized me... they still dont like me
I hate waking up to a room that reeks of bad decisions...
Randomize
