I just saw a kid drop his lollipop on the floor of best buy, kick it because he was pissed off and then pick it up and eat it. I think I have a long lost son.
just because you are in college doesnt mean its okay to pregame easter mass.
Need to stop getting stoned with this chick, I keep waking up covered in pizza sauce
Well, I just hope you know I had your best interests at heart when I put your sandwich down my pants.
I just pull a splinter from the head of my penis. It was a rough night.
HOW DID YOU END UP IN THE BATHROOM WITH A DANCER AFTER 12 MINUTES?
He smells so good today
Seriously, back away from the sexual harrasment suit.
I mean, two foreign guys have drunkenly confessed their love for her, so she's clearly doing something right.
I just got a get of my turf look from a hooker. Apparently, Ninja Turtles T-shirt+Jeans+Flip-Flops=Hooker Gear. Woot.
if you come you're not allowed to wear pants. if you arrive wearing pants you won't be wearing them long.
I'm glad we can *facepalm* it together over the married couple we fucked separately.
i just love the holidays, i hotboxed a gingerbread house last night
Broken leg sex is fun because I just get to lay there
if i ever get to the point where i am moaning when i pee, please do the honorable thing and kill me.
I didn’t want a minivan, but I have to admit it’s made it a lot easier to hook up with the dilfs at soccer tournaments
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