On a scale from 0 to 24...wait, 3 to 24, where 6 is the lowest and 12 is the highest, how freaking high re you right now?
I know the vomits not mine cause its on my back.
she must've caught on when i went out for a "run" in jeans and a sweatshirt and came back holding a McDonalds bag and smelling like pot.
so high and i think i just ordered a magic bullet.
did you call within the first 18 minutes? can i have the free one?
It's the foolproof way to identify who didn't get laid last night
No he didn't understand the sequence...then I started texting him these texts with vagina strategically spelt correctly in jumbles of letters.
You threw a bunch of trashcans into the middle of the street and nothing happened. I fell on one car and suddenly there were cops everywhere...
I'm impressed you managed to decipher 'annslqllpprebBcncnj' into 'I'm drunk at the Vic, come pick me up and do me on the kitchen table'
You just squeezed a person out of you and I'm drunks at 2PM. Our lives got traded and you know it and you're jealous.
Sidenote: do you recall your "give me the d" chant
You came over, called every girl Comrade Heather, and then declared that you were an Eagle, and we were your young.
So all in all, a good night.
You need to get laid. You spent last night stumbling through the club pulling couples apart and telling them to leave room for Jesus.
Haha I had a heart to heart with a stripper so I would say it was a success?
Go have sex with him right now! Drunk sex is the best sex.
I know but these gold fish are so much better
when I said eat the rich I didn't mean like that but here we are sucking that capitalist dick
Randomize
