"it" just moved
I mean don't get me wrong, vaginas are terrifying, they look so sneaky with all their layers and secret compartments and trap doors
tell ils to like buy her flowers and like a balloon that says, sorry I tried to fuck your sister. I think hallmark makes some of those cards too.
Im so hungover
Come over i have rolls
Ecstasy rolls or Challah rolls?
mom just called and i was mid bong hit but i answered anyways coughing and sounding rough she the apologized for waking her little angel up. its 2PM
my self respect just called, its having a good time without me
He asked if I smoke and I said "only fools like you on the basketball court!" Then I started crying. I think I'm about to have my period.
Yours weakened by children. Mine weakened by a forearm sized cock for 8 years.
Just getting in the shower.... found a "great job" sticker stuck to my boob.
So how was your night?
Well you finally jumped into that tree you've always wanted into and some girl gave you an 8.5. You were very happy.
Nothing says "we're never gonna bone" like "nice haircut, it makes you look like my cousin"
I'm using the Malibu pitcher you stole from the bar to make pancakes this morning. It's actually working really well.
I'm trying to behave my vagina this week so I can at least pretend I'm honoring the sanctity of marriage
I was too hungover to sit up and pull the curtains closed so I did it with my toes
what do u think we would be doing right now if we were together
Urinating on unicorns
Randomize
