Just downloaded the entire Justin Bieber album sober.. I think you know how I'm doing.
I'm pretty sure God is rooting for me with this two gf thing
I figured out that he lasts longer when I rap during sex. He made it all the way through "Love the Way you Lie"
I'm at the perfect height to walk up to the corner of my mom's stove and rest my balls on it. Just thought you'd like to know they're warm.
No more drinking with Em. She was on the ground so much she looked like she belongs in a lifealert commercial
I've been at work 30 min broke a paper towel holder a chair set a box on fire and fell down twice. Hungover Brian just reached a new level
I thought you wanted to talk?
What part of "Lets have angry sex" means I want to talk?
I'm fucking a man old enough to be my father who is also dating my boss. What have you done with your life?
I'm not allowed back because I may or may not have insulted his beer. And the entire Czech Republic.
BTW, Julia referred to you as a power bottom. Are you available?
I was mad at him...then I jerked off. Now I'm over it. Orgasms fix everything, I swear.
Found a trail of Taco Bell hot sauce packets through the garage to our back door and cheese in my bra. I'll say it was a successful Sunday Funday.
He accepted my bet of 5 bucks to bike home completely naked. Never got asked about the 5 bucks, guess he enjoyed it too much
I left my red butterfly dildo laying on my bedroom floor this morning....my landlord is currently showing the house to people. Fuck can't ever face him again.
Well that didn’t go as expected.
I mean, it ended in you giving each of them a blowjob, so it kinda did.
Randomize
