90% of the problems in your life are directly related to your vagina
Is it wierd that you're going to be my best man and you've fucked my wife?
If I send you a picture of the guy passed out in the bath tub, will u be able to identify him?
I don't have a choice really. It's either lose 15 lbs by Halloween, or I'm going as a giant banana.
She threw up in the hot tub how's your night
All she was asking was for you to describe your coat so she could get it, but you kept yelling at her so the security threw you out.
Ya but I plan to getting arrested more towards the end of summer
I guess I just laid down next to him with the entire pot of mac n cheese and started giving him a handie with one hand and eating with the other
You don't know how badly I want to just hold you as a soup spoon holds a bisque
All I remember is folk music and a lot of drugs. I am never going "on an adventure" with you again
I'm going to assume that "the army of generous folk dancers" is no longer a goal you are willing to fulfill
you are like the bill nye of illicit activities
I knew full well that at some point during the night my penis would be out with this costume choice
That Kevin guy is something else...His penis is fucking glorious. And he has a way with words. If he lived here I'd be the conductor of the fuck caboose. I mean literally I would never want to get off that thing.
I watched a compilation video today of a guy banging his sex doll to edm music. I just had to tell someone.
Do you think if I explain to her I want to have loud, unprotected sex with her sister she'll understand?
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