Why did I cab home last night?
Because you said you were drunk, sad, and someone called you a hooker.
i have i love cock written on my hand and a vagina drawn on my arm and i just finished eating breakfast with the whole fam for mothers day
ahah at least you got away with it
nope...my gran was the one who informed me
There's a girl at 7-11 apologizing for her behavior and asking if she can get her shoes back.
Is it weird being in the house without any roommates?
Nah, just masturbating louder
its my first week of college and i have a UTI
not easy being a whore now is it
He cut part of his finger off. It was a consolation blow job.
Ask him about a girl named Meg then give a disappointed and disapproving face.
I want to break his glasses with my pelvis.
I just told him that with every paper, I'd take a picture of myself with one less piece of clothing. Who say's I can't be a tutor?
Just let me take your liver out and beat it with a meat tenderizer for you..
I'm mailing you cans of corn and that's final.
Three Asian guys got on the elevator with a handle of Hennessey and a sleeping bag. This is not the start of a joke.
If anyone needs me I'll be in the bathtub, eating fast food and shooting straight vodka while I seriously evaluate my life choices and cry.
She just. Cock slapped me. With string cheese.
I’m not saying you’re wrong, I’m just saying he’s denying what you’re saying.
Randomize
