I'm already going to be stripping so like pretty much you would just be watching me. Also we're watching twilight. again.
The night was doomed the minute I started taking shots with an apple as a chaser.
The cop refused to sing with us, even though he was as happy as we were that the tow truck finally showed up.
I'm still trying to figure out how you came back with chinese food, and a spoon covered in icing saying 'cake..'
Just started taking liver support pills. Welcome to Senior year.
Also, I imagined that his bacne was bubblewrap and that made it much more tolerable
I can't come tonight. Someone took a shit in the dressing room. A.) Clean it up or B.) Kill myself. Text back with your answer.
Apparently from about 3-5AM I was consoling that crying stripper about her life choices.
AND FUCKING MGMT JUST CAME ON. CAN I GO DROWN MYSELF IN LESBIANS OR SOMETHING? IS IT TIME TO LESBIAN
we're fated to lesbian
I spent half an hours grinding with a drunk Harry Potter cosplayer at the con rave. Pretty sure I felt his wand.
Dude respond to my evite. You're either coming to the orgy or not.
I wanted to buy shoes but nothing fit. So i'm getting a vibrator.
Can we make love to the Space Jam soundtrack?
I just found an old slice of LIME in my wallet?????????
I'm legitimately the first person in the United States to successfully shave their balls with a Razer Blade of a sword and fully admitt it. I'm honestly smoother then a 10 year old.
Randomize
