Is there a tactful way for me to ask a girl to let me know when she gets her period?
um. i met him on myspace...we text now, he lives down the street
Absence makes the cock grow harder.
being able to look good while almost puking is a skill that takes a lot of puking to develop.
I'm spooning a three legged dog right now. Started drinking whiskey with Breakfast. Best part about being biracial is Irish cousins. Dog Pic Attahed
Stumbled into class and into a desk. When I fell my bottle broke in my backpack. I had to leave there was vodka everywhere.
the lady at the gas station just thanked me for wearing clothes this time... i am so confused
Drinking down Plan B with a 5 hour energy. Winding down welcome week in style.
A zombie called me motorboat central while participating in an auction to motorboat my tits. he then proceeded to propose, insisting that he makes alot money.
Stoned, drunk, and walking into the library. Look at me multitasking!
Totally forgot I asked the cop for a theoretical fist bump and he still let me drive away
I puked so hard this morning that I peed my pants. I'm a gem.
Some guy was coming onto me last night and in the middle of it all he said: 'It literally says this on my birth certificate: Francis Coburt: The Guy Who Can Pull Two Beers Outta His Pants Like Magic.'
One singular head for man, one giant climax for mankind
I got the security footage. Thank you boobies!
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