Yeah but his hole really smells sometimes
She saved the condom from the first time we did it.
can you explain how you are here for one night and now my kitchen table is in 11 pieces..
He looked me straight in the eye when he was fingering me last night...it was very serial killer.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
All the alcohol I spilled on myself must have acted as a disinfectant or something. I haven't showered in three days and I still don't have a staph infection from sleeping on the lawn with you.
It was just a friend comforting a friend. Except his penis was inside of me.
be proud. or at least amused. an 18 yr old and a 25 yr old at least makes my average hookup age this week the same as my age.
You kept asking her which dick pills worked the best. She's a grandmother.
It wasnt until i started dancing that i realized i pissed myself dude. I dont think shes gonna call me back.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Finally met a man who appreciates my beer pong skills, definitely a keeper for the weekend
I get a little bitchy. We all know that
I'm about to make existential crisis tacos.
No one wants to start their day off with bloody lemons and a tampon in the toilet. Wtf.
You made me take you back to Mcdonalds so you could yell at the guy for not giving you enough ketchup packets
I vaguely recall french fries...
You then proceeded to call your mom and tell her you weren't coming home because you were "tripping balls"
Sweet...
Remember those neighbors I thought were FBI agents? Turns out they're DEA.
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