I got fucking wesley sniped last night by that power hoe. How'd it end up on your end? Did you canoodle the stripper enough for her to agree to go to formal?
RAWRRRR IMA PURPLE DINO
dude i'm sitting right next to you.. stop texting me
I feel like a bad episode of csi trying to figure everyone's DNA that's in me
I've hooked up with 3 different guys already this week...don't tell me I haven't been a productive member of society
Stole a wheelchair from the hospital and rolled down the street smoking and drinking this is my weekend
Ecstasy should be its own food group.
Hey had an urgent voicemail from the Illinois national guard....have you been using my identity for your blackout weekend?
Yes and yes
just walked into the study room and found an empty bottle of vodka and a passed out freshman. Did you have anything to do with this?
I feel like the fact that I slept with someone who dresses up like Batman a few times will never be lived down.
I spy something regrettable...
Oh my god. Stop!! It was one time and I still can't believe it.
I'm like 'WOMAN, YOU'RE 62, RESHEATH THOSE COUGAR CLAWS.'
So I'm hiding in my bathroom smoking bowls because my landlords kids came over to visit my dog... My life has reached a new low
Naked. Naked is my favorite color.
I need to stop adding people I want to bone on LinkedIn.
..... starting now
I just found my phone after looking for it since yesterday afternoon it was in the fridge.
Randomize
