on my arm i have a score card from when we apparently had a competition to see who could harden his nipples fastest..
who won?
THAT is your concern right now?
can I come stay the night
yeah, but no sex tonight
I'll stay home
when "blow-job jen" drunk dials you at 3 in the morning, you answer
The bouncer said he wanted to but BBQ sauce on my legs. That Mystic tan has already paid for itself.
all i remember was you yelling "look at my little feet" at everyone on the way home from the bar.
But don't worry I didn't actually get stitches, although according to the health center I probably should have
There are 18k people at the game and I'm next to the one guy who pulls his underwear down to his ankles to piss.
Just finished two pages in like 20-30 mins bitches SHWAMP DRUNK LIBRARY SHWAMP
I fucked him on my yoga mat. Then we wake and baked and ate granola. So yes, you could say I found my center.
Woke up on the floor with shoes on my hands...I'd say it was a success
It's Scottsdale, it shouldn't be this hard to find drugs.
There aren't enough words in the English language to fully describe how worried I am for your dick. And the rest of you, I suppose.
after last night, ive never not wanted to live so much in my life.
I'll be back in a hour going with Jason to get his nipples tattooed back on again
I'm really sorry I called you a "smug, arrogant, boyfriend-fucking piece of defecation". I was super drunk.
I was going to be mad, but then I remembered you don't use autocorrect and spelled everything correctly and I was kinda impressed.
Randomize
