If that was your dad, he is hot
So I got a little fucked up on the punch, and made out with the family friend. Which is apparently morally reprehensible. I don't get that.
My valentine's day: watching The Notebook, and porn, eating chocolate, and ice cream. All while jacking off.
Wow... you've managed to cover all of the sad girl stereotypes that exist.
Yeah i knew he wasn't okay when he told me he was "seeing his vision"
One minute we were getting noise complainted by the security guards the next I was shotgunning a beer with them
Holy fuck, spaghetti burritos are the best idea I've ever had.
I need to stop drunkenly getting naked. I'm losing all my favorite party clothes.
How bad is it if you swallow a really small piece of glass? Be optimistic if possible I'm anxious about it.
I have a surprise for you guys
What is it?
A MOTHER FUCKING SURPRISE DON'T ASK QUESTIONS
Tried to land my foot on his shoulder and kicked him in the face. Then I fell into a homeless man's bike and posed with a buffalo head. How was your night?
I am googling "notable people who had syphilis"
The amount of dicks I have seen in the last hour is more than I have seen in my whole life.
It's the third day of class and I got told I smell like a distillery.
YOU SLEPT WITH A GUY WHO HAS A BILLBOARD IN HIS HONOR?
Like my mom really needs to know just how non existent my sex life is
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