good news, i'm not pregnant. bad news, i had sex with ***** last night and i think i'd rather be pregnant
nailed a girl as she was wearing a darth vader shirt. Cross that one off my list.
jess passed out on the pong table. it was depressing until we started singing shania twain an hour later and heard her muffled voice singing along.
I am scared. I picture you doing a keg stand on a sinking ship with hula girls cheering you on. Please text me when you get back to shore...or now would be good
casually drinking alone with your cats. do they like sparks?
I judge a person on how well they respect their vaginas... I can tell by the lack of respect she has for hers I dislike her.
I'm still finding big obvious chunks of condom around my car.
If I end up married to you I better get lots of orgasms to help me forget I failed at life.
You insisted we help some homeless guy put up posters for his missing pet alligator so we left you there because they were really just Chinese takeout menus.
Did i tell you my idea for my life plan? Not the one that involves stripping.
Can we make a sex game out of monopoly somehow?
I've seen too many dicks in the past week. I can't do it anymore.
I'm to childless and to single to be asking myself why I'm so sticky
Your aunt just offered to blow me for a ride home....how did you end up such a prude?
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed
Randomize
