Then all the boys were saying that they were amazed at how much i could smoke...i'm so proud of myself
i feel like i'm a professional at blowjobs i can deep throat an entire spatula
Lady GaGa only went backwards in convincing me she's not a man at the VMAs.
eye of the tiger was playing while i pooped... it totally helped.
I woke up to him eating cereal out of my viking helmet with a shot glass. No idea where he got the milk.
I am three bowls, two beers, and a muscle relaxer into babysitting. What are you doing.
Might just stay in and drink cuz of the hurricane. Yea I think Wisconsin might be safe but its a good reason to drink.
I will come over now to take full advantage of you in your vulnerable state.
Fine. I should warn you I just threw up in danas fish tank. Fish are dead. Livers dead. I smell and look like a dead animal. And not showering. So deal with it.
walked into class wearing my zorro costume. some girl just said "oh my god, i fucked zorro this weekend." I found her.
Well the "Blackout with your sack out" party turned out predictably.
She's the second Ashley to meet and blow me in the same night. Sensing a trend.
you came out with your cock in between the legs of a balloon animal. Maybe she'll think you have a sense of humor.
What kind of balloon animal was it?
I just want to let it be known that I almost put my phone in the fridge.
I was just seen throwin up on the bookstore building near a trashcan by parents. Naturally I throw a thumbs up and say go college
LACE UP YOUR GODDAMN SHOES
N O
Randomize
