Denial is the first step to alcoholism…and I don't hate it
Hold on. She's wrapped herself in toilet paper and is scaring the dog.
Too many margaritas?
Ok, but If I make this happen, my first born son gets to fuck your first born daughter
she played "i just wanna get married" by jagged edge while we were having sex. why cant i avoid stage 5 clingers
Having drunken flash backs of me giving you a piggy back ride. I was like Jesus, and you were my cross. I fell so many times for you. This is true friendship.
THE MIME IS MIMING TO BUST A MOVE KARAOKE. ALL MIME-RELATED EVENTS DESERVE CAPS LOCK
The barista asked if I wanted my drink wet or dry, but all that came to mind was farts. You have ruined me.
My birthday was already very memorable but her punching me in the face put it over the top. I love being 25 and still not giving a fuck.
Is it too forward to say "stop being a good friend and start being a good fuck buddy"
I just made an agreement with this milf to shoot her daughters wedding in exchange for blow jobs. Going pro was the best choice I ever made.
I was a little curious what "unspeakable" things he could possibly do to my feet
Once you jizz in someones hat, you cant take it back.
And remember people can't hear you kick ass in space
I'm mainly pissed because I shaved fucking EVERYTHING for this. WITH SHAVING CREAM. Men do not appreciate how rarely that happens.
you're now officially the 3000 mile booty call. congrats.
Randomize
