I chugged a bottle of robotussein and i ducking saw a blind lady on a purch sewing a shirt! And a tree portal
at some point when you're making out with the ex girlfriend of your ex fuck buddy who happens to be the ex boyfriend of the girl that you just got drunk with who was hitting on your current fuck buddy who is best friends with your ex boyfriend, it just hits you: oh my god i need to get out more and expand my social circle.
its easy. just sleep with a bunch of guys until one falls in love
he just kept saying that he had liquor dick..then he tried to fuck me without removing his pants.
Puked in a plastic neiman Marcus bag while driving. My biggest accomplishment yet
He refused my I'm sry gift of ANAL. That's how angry he was.
maybe i'll make good life choices and keep my legs closed. periodically txt me friday and saturday night saying "baby carrot round 2" that should stop me.
Staying in I think. Boyfriend has domesticated me. I'm making eggs naked right now. Also really high.
The poor thing was so drunk they wheeled his motorcycle into the bar. I just dropped him off to pick it up. The best walk of shame ever.
Yeah? Well I'm currently predrinking downstairs in my room by myself. Absolut and water with a hint of mint because I'm using the glass I keep my toothbrush in. Fuck, you bitches better get off work soon.
She almost killed me. The shot she handed me had tacks in it. Wtf?!
At this point i guess a traditional, non-life-threatening pity fuck is too much to ask for
I just spent 12 consecutive hours in the same outfit and none of it was pajamas. If that's not personal growth, I don't know what is.
Everclear isn't food dammit
Hillary said in her victory speech "We're gonna come together". I've got a lib-boner.
Randomize
