Ur dog is a babe magnet. Reminds me of me
College reaches a new low. We just carved a shot glass out of a potatoe.
Apparently throwing up on your own cape is still a party foul
Found her laying down in a booth in iHop. She's a keeper.
It starts with an S and ends with arah just gave me a bj.
I assume you will show your seat mates your vibrating cock ring.
its all coming back to me in waves....waves of humiliation and nausea.
I told her that I was going up to my room to lay in front of a fan without pants on, watching Avengers and she still wanted to get with me. I have to marry her.
Delete that photo of me. My ass looks WAY to good it in to be on Facebook for everyone to see. You gotta earn that shit.
Lets play hurricane shelter. And the shelter is my bed, and we forgot our clothes.
Currently sitting in the movie theatre bathroom while she gives him a blowjob in the parking lot. Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend.
Apparently coming home smelling like I took a bath in beer is frowned upon in this household. I'm so glad I don't actually live here.
Dude, I totally just made my launch phrase on my new phone "Wingardium Leviosa" so that when people try it and it doesn't work I can say, "It's leveeOHsa, not leveeoh-SA."
I can't believe just smoked out of a pear
I can't believe you had a pear already made to smoke out of, that was impressive
walked into my room this morning clutching two empty bottles of sminoff to find my roommate's ultra conservative parents staring at my posters of naked men. fuck parents weekend.
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