and the officer said have you been drinking
and i said NOO SIR.
and he said, I am a woman.
3 complete strangers have joyously high-fived me on campus today. Tell me why, starting after jager bomb #4.
I'm not really that drunk, but I think vampires should glow in the dark because otherwise it's just unfair
Found more tequila
I just found out that AAA will pick you up if you're drunk for free if you're a member. How did I not know about this?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The only thing worse than cracking my rib on a slip and slide was having the doctors laugh when they found out in my medical history that I did this exact same thing last summer.
It was everywhere, it looked like he just took the leftovers and threw them around the bathroom... Festively...
Yea, remember to blow out the fire from flaming shots. Unless you want burnt lips. Just saying, I'm an example of ignorance and intoxication.
He's just a really nice guy who stuck his tongue in the wrong place.
its like i had a thought but i dont know what the words are for it
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i decided if i had to, i could survive with only 3 fingers on each hand.
I just rolled a blunt at my desk. Happy early Friday!
You want to know how I feel? I feel like Cady Heron pushed me in front of a bus last night.
That's why my New Years resolution was no more blondes. They're all bad news
The CEO is puking on the sidewalk and the HR director just offered me coke. Engineers have the best parties
I got a lap dance in honor of your birthday last night.
Thank you.
theres a video...
oh god.
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