erin looks like she hung out with the sham wow guy last night. she's got the beat up hooker look goin' on
Her vagina smelled like hockey gear.
i just looked at my contacts and realized i saved the pizza hut girl's number as "fckucin pizza" the other night.
u sent me just one boob. one just doesnt do it for me. u dont get full on a half a rack of ribs u need a full one
That explains waking up with one hand in the toilet and the other in the trash can
Oh i know my limit. 9 shots after i've given blood.
you're the only person i know to use "jizz" and "cute" in the same sentence.
My mom is purposely blasting Shania Twain downstairs so I can't jack off.
I'm a big fan of your penis but I will not sit through an animated movie dedicated to it.
Well sorry I accidentally spooned your mom and possibly threw up on you
You ever fart so bad at work that you think about taking a sick day just to spare your coworkers from the savage olfactory beating they are about to receive?
You know, this is NOT how I pictured my life would be when I was younger, and yet here we are.
There is a pool of ranch salad dressing in my purse...I know thats always been something you've wanted to try..so don't even act like you didn't do this.
I knew how blacked out you were when you started doing that thing where you dance around and call yourself the Black Swan.
I must be pretty memorable. I was walking past this dude and he goes "There's the Scotch Girl." I have ZERO clue who he is, but I'm definitely the Scotch Girl.
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